I Hate Losing...

So, the Southwest Paintrain IM co-rec basketball had its first game this evening, one we lost. I hate losing at stuff. Maybe its not that I hate losing at just video games. Maybe I just plain hate losing. Then I think about it and I realize how much in my life I've been losing. Like, things that are important to me too. I lost out on getting to be Editor of my high school newspaper. I lost certain people that I'm not able to elaborate on per my New Year's Resolution. I've been losing at sports since forever. I didn't make good grades in high school and for the first quater of college and I have the feeling I'm losing at something as I write this. I know this all sounds complainy and that I don't focus enough on the things I have- like a good family, nice friends, my health, and the Dallas Mavericks- I just can't shake the feeling that things could be so much more. (SPORS ANALOGY ALERT!) It feels like I have the ability of the New England Patriots with the results of the Detroit Lions. And I hate the Lions...

Sometimes its the things that ARE going for me that make me feel so bad. People I meet (and also my mother, I know she doesn't count...) tell me how funny, and handsome (don't worry, I don't agree with this assessment), and smart, and mature I am. Seriously, like 10 people in the past year upon meeting me have said something to the effect of "Wow, you must have 100 girlfriends!" Yeah, definately not the case, which makes me step back and ask, "Well, if I'm so great, WHERE ARE THE GIRLS!?" I guess I feel like I'm sabotaging myself without my knowledge. Sigh. I also know that I live my life to win at things, as oppsed to not to lose. And when you take such grand risks as I do, you're gonna lose and its gonna hurt. So, I guess some of it makes sense. I know I'm not a loser, I truly believe in my heart that I'm a winner. I'm just tired of losing.

And in other complaining news, I think I've found one of the things that annoys me most in life: waiting for an eliptical because all the others are taken. Treadmills hurt my knees and bikes just don't allow me to workout well enough. Plus, doesn't it seem strange that I have to WAIT to RUN IN PLACE!? I must have an eliptical and when they're all taken, like today, I'm left waiting there like an idiot for 15 minutes asking myself "should I take the one open treadmill? Or should I wait it out for the eliptical?" I got so tired of waiting I took the treadmill, then the sorority girl behind me talks the eliptical that opens up right as I get on my knee killer (the treadmill). Great.

Also at dinner tonight, I got to one of the lines in South Quad, I was there right at the front, bypassing the side line, 30 people deep, only to have the dorks serving tell me that they're closing down the line.

"But there's food right here, just give me some," I say.
"No, this line's closed. I wont give you any."

I hate college sometimes. It just feels like it gets in the way of itself sometimes.

What losers!