I Really Need a Vacation

I don't really care where I go, I can just feel myself becoming less and less interested in...well, anything. It's not that I'm apathetic, I really want something big and good and fun to happen, I just feel like I'm looking for it too much and I want to go somewhere where I'm not worried about work or family or girl failure. I want to lie on a beach with a beautiful lady in a one piece. I think this situation would be ideal. I need a few weeks of careless relaxing with a beautiful woman. Which brings me to my next point. Girls always look better in one pieces. Rarely do I look at a girl in a bikkini and think "Wow." I think it's probably because a bikkini highlights a girl's abdomen and, well, lets just say most girls aren't strong there (I know I'm not a girl, but I'm not strong in the belly either, good thing there's no men's bikkinis).

This might sound silly, but I wish sometimes that I had no school work to do. It really feels like school is a hinderence to my learning. School is a HUGE chore and if I had time, I'd totally learn more. I'd ACTUALLY read stuff I want to and actually be educated by it. I'd spend more time with friends and have more time to make new ones so that I can work on some of my social deficiencies. I'd learn the guitar (which reminds me, I need to go sign up for REAL lessons, god help all of us). I'd develop my cooking. I'd write a great screenplay. And I then have a marketable talent which would lead me to a career. Tell me why I pay so much for this "enriching" experience? After all the pain and stuff I've been through throughout my college years, I definately don't think going to school is worth it in a practical sense. I mean, sure the piece of paper is necessary because you really can't work without a college diploma anymore, but really! I think the most telling thing is how happy I am when a class is cancelled. Really, when my teacher cancelled STATS class last week, I was over the moon. It made my day. My family pays over 40, 000 dollars a year for me to be in school and I'm happy when I DON'T get what I paid for. I think that tells the whole story.

Thing I'm Thankful For: I'm thankful for my friends. I started out with none. Now I have many. And eventhough I hate this experience of going to school, I'm really glad you're here to help me through. Thank you for sticking by me even when I seem distant, mean, sad, unfriendly, and all the bad things I know I can be sometimes. I'm blessed to have you around and am truly thankful for you.

If you know a beautiful girl who'd be willing to go on a beach vacay with me, let me know. (We're talking outer-beauty here too, none of this inner-beauty crap). Well, OK, I want her to be perfect. Inner-beauty preferred as well. Remeber the one-piece. Thanks.

Did I Mention that I Hate When Ugly People Make Out in Public?

As you know, I dislike PDA (public displays of affection, not the technological devices) quite a bit. But it ramps up a notch when ugly people make out in full view. The other night in the union, the two ugliest people were sucking face and let me tell you, it was hardcore gross. It was like looking at a moose and a rhinocerous mating. Seriously, people, I'm going to start requesting government legislation if this continues. A fine for the first offense (because its certainly offensive). Life in prison for the second and capitol punishment if you're ugly and you've decided to make out in prison (since you're there forever due to your second offense). Did somebody say ammendment to the Consititution!?

Ok, so I read parts of this blog to my stepmother and she said I was too negative and that I need to end this thing on a positive note everyday. So, in every blog from this point forth I will name something I am thankful for. Think Thanksgiving pre-dinner, exccept everyday.

Today, I am thankful for my much-improved college life. When I first went to college, I hated every second of it. Now, I only hate about an hour a day. That's quite an improvement. I always spent the days by myself my freshman year, I had no friends, bad grades, and nothing to do (all of which are my fault in some way, in addition to my depression). Well, I kicked the depression, I knew I needed a change, went back home for a semester and ended up here in Michigan. It was hard at first at UofM because I didn't have many friends the first semester here, but now I have at least 6 good friends and that numbers still growing (which is solid, I think). I have stuff to do, I make good grades, and if you don't count my floundering love life and my unknown pending career, I feel pretty solid about things. Not too great. But certainly not that hopeless feeling that pervaded the start of my college days. That's improvement, and that's what I'm thankful for today.

I Really Like Sting.

Really, I do. I'm not sure why this is important, but I feel that Sting is one of the most underrated options in my iPod. "After the Rain" is a great song. "If I Ever Lose My Faith" is another. And "I'll Be Watching You" I think is one of the best love songs ever. Which leads me to the question: "I'll Be Watching You:" Romantic love song or creepy ballad about stalking? I'm pretty optimistic on this one, I think it is a love song. I have been accused of being creepy myself, so I may not be the best person to answer this question. So yeah, you might want to take that into account. You know who else likes Sting? My Dad. Which brings me to...

Since my father's been having heart trouble lately (he had a 90% clog in a long artery, resulting in an emergency precedure 3 weeks ago. Not to worry though, he's doing better now) he can no longer play basketball since he is not allowed to run...ever again. Not that he was ever a great basketball player or anything. He could shoot, but in our recent 1-on-1 games, I was not allowed to get within 3 feet of him. But playing basketball with him was a part of my childhood and I feel sad we can't do it anymore. Ever. Kinda makes me realize my parents aren't going to be around forever and that the older I get, the traditions and the other stuff from my childhood is fading. Wow, sad. Despite the set back, my dad brags that he can still do...uh...other things. Sometimes I think our relationship is a little too friendly...

Life Is a Rollercoaster

If it's one thing you take away from this blog, I hope it's this fact that I'm still learning: Life is a rollercoaster-- and if you know me, you know I hate real rollercoasters, so its really a sad analogy for me. It goes super fast with unforseen ups, downs, and loop-dee-loops and the better you ready yourself for all these, the better off you'll be--apparently. Clearly I'm still learning to cope with the downs and the loop-dee-loops. I can usually handle the ups; although this too can be argued. Tomorrow I have my first meeting with the career center. I really hope they have magical crystal balls they peer into and tell me my best route to success....yeah, I know, they'll probably just give me some reference info. Let's hope this is the start of an up, because I'm getting really worried as to what I'm going to be when I grow up (aka, in a year).

Its Adam's birthday today, so if Adam reads this blog...Happy birthday, big fella. Couldn't ask for a better friend. Really miss hanging out with you, impersonating your mom, making Pin faces, and hitting on your little sister. Happy birthday! God bless ya.

Not only is January 22 Adam's 21st birthday, its also the day I met certain people I no longer allow myself to elaborate on. I can't believe its been three years. Please pray I meet someone so that I forget this stupid anniverary...not to mention March 26th (first kiss) and May 21st (Prom)...seriously, this is so silly. The movie that is my life needs a new love interest...NOW!


Oh, and yes, its Tuedsay night. And yes, I had the fortune to watch another depressing movie in my screenplay as literature class. Tonight's screening was Boys Don't Cry, which has all the attributes of a downer- Physical abuse to females, rape, gender crisis, poverty, dellusion, hopelessness, and alcoholism! There should be a seperate Oscar for depressing movies. If there was one, the producers would have another gold statue to go along with Hilary Swank (who makes a believable, albeit girly, boy, who knew!?) Hopefully we'll be watching happier pictures soon. If we don't I fear having to renew my Lexapro perscrpition...definately a down on the rollercoaster.

The Two People I Want to Be

I know what you're thinking. I'm going to say my parents or something like that. No. No, instead, the two people I'd like to wake up as tomorrow (other than myself, of course) are Tom Brady and Bobby Flay. Why these two distinquished gentlemen? Well, Tom Brady (a Michigan man, like me!) has won three Superbowls, is good looking, makes more than God, once dated a very gorgeous Bridget Moynahan, and is now sharing a bed with Giselle. Wow. Did someone say Man of the Century? And to think he's still in his prime...in all senses of the concept.

Bobby Flay, on the other hand, is a fantastic chef, has his own TV show (actually, TV SHOWS!), is funny, handsome, and has a smoking hot wife (if you've ever seen Law and Order, she's the blonde. Yeah.)

Men want to be these guys and women want to be with these guys.

Which gets me to my next question. Why wasn't I born cool? You know how they say leaders aren't made, they're born? I think the same thing goes with being cool. It's like athleticism of the personality. There's probably only so much of this I can blame on poor genes eminating from my father's unbelieable uncool-ness (and being unathletic, come to think of it), but I think I'm living proof that uncool-ness comes from the Y-chromosome...much in the same way that my hair proves that balding comes from the X-chromosome.

I feel like I'm becoming George Costanza. Things need to change.

Loud Noises and the Movies they Show in the Film School...

I know this sounds weird, but I've never grown out of hating loud sounds, like a bullet firing or a balloon popping. Its been this way ever since I was a litte boy at birthday parties and it hasn't ever stopped. I look like a goober when I have to hold my hands over my ears because I know a gun is about to fire in a movie. And if I don't know a loud sound is coming and one occurs? Yeah, I'm a jumper. Fantastic.

Also, why is it that when you study film as a discipline, you have to watch THE SADDEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME!? Honest to goodness, sometimes the movies they show us have me contemplating the meaning of my life...like how futile it can be. Why can't we just watch Bring It On or better yet, From Justin to Kelly? I mean, I know they're not good movies, but at least they wouldn't shake my faith in the universe (OK, you got me, they would, but in an entirely different way).

When do I get to sign up for Date Movies 371? Heck, it's probably a class I could teach. I'd have a masters in Hugh Grant. Can't you just see me teaching a class on date movies? "No, Mr. XYZ, it's 'Bugger,' not 'Bogger!'" "No, I'm sorry Ms. ABC, in fact, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan have appeared in three films together, with Joe and the Volcano being the first." Where do I pick up my ugly blazer with the felt elbow patches?

Professor Mann's class is in session.

I Hate Losing...

So, the Southwest Paintrain IM co-rec basketball had its first game this evening, one we lost. I hate losing at stuff. Maybe its not that I hate losing at just video games. Maybe I just plain hate losing. Then I think about it and I realize how much in my life I've been losing. Like, things that are important to me too. I lost out on getting to be Editor of my high school newspaper. I lost certain people that I'm not able to elaborate on per my New Year's Resolution. I've been losing at sports since forever. I didn't make good grades in high school and for the first quater of college and I have the feeling I'm losing at something as I write this. I know this all sounds complainy and that I don't focus enough on the things I have- like a good family, nice friends, my health, and the Dallas Mavericks- I just can't shake the feeling that things could be so much more. (SPORS ANALOGY ALERT!) It feels like I have the ability of the New England Patriots with the results of the Detroit Lions. And I hate the Lions...

Sometimes its the things that ARE going for me that make me feel so bad. People I meet (and also my mother, I know she doesn't count...) tell me how funny, and handsome (don't worry, I don't agree with this assessment), and smart, and mature I am. Seriously, like 10 people in the past year upon meeting me have said something to the effect of "Wow, you must have 100 girlfriends!" Yeah, definately not the case, which makes me step back and ask, "Well, if I'm so great, WHERE ARE THE GIRLS!?" I guess I feel like I'm sabotaging myself without my knowledge. Sigh. I also know that I live my life to win at things, as oppsed to not to lose. And when you take such grand risks as I do, you're gonna lose and its gonna hurt. So, I guess some of it makes sense. I know I'm not a loser, I truly believe in my heart that I'm a winner. I'm just tired of losing.

And in other complaining news, I think I've found one of the things that annoys me most in life: waiting for an eliptical because all the others are taken. Treadmills hurt my knees and bikes just don't allow me to workout well enough. Plus, doesn't it seem strange that I have to WAIT to RUN IN PLACE!? I must have an eliptical and when they're all taken, like today, I'm left waiting there like an idiot for 15 minutes asking myself "should I take the one open treadmill? Or should I wait it out for the eliptical?" I got so tired of waiting I took the treadmill, then the sorority girl behind me talks the eliptical that opens up right as I get on my knee killer (the treadmill). Great.

Also at dinner tonight, I got to one of the lines in South Quad, I was there right at the front, bypassing the side line, 30 people deep, only to have the dorks serving tell me that they're closing down the line.

"But there's food right here, just give me some," I say.
"No, this line's closed. I wont give you any."

I hate college sometimes. It just feels like it gets in the way of itself sometimes.

What losers!

Jessica Simpson = The Devil

So, as you may or may not know, Jessica Simpson is currently dating Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo (whom I've talked to on the phone, for real!). Anyway, the week before the biggest Cowboys game in 15 years, Tony decides to go on a little side trip to Mexico with Ms. Simpson. The result? Cowboys lose...and are now out of the playoffs thanks to New York. This sucks.

Does anyone else notice how Jessica Simpson sucks the life out of anyone she dates? Where the hell is Nick Lachey? (If you just asked yourself "Who is Nick Lachey?" you just proved my point). John Mayer hasn't played a single good note since dating this talent-sucking vampire and now Tony Romo loses this game. I know one thing, I'm NEVER dating Jessica Simpson... I prefer to be a succsfull human being, thanks in no part to her. Yech!

On another note, does anyone notice the increase in PDA around Ann Arbor these days? I can't sit at a bus stop without a makeout session occurring before me. I think in the future, the government will have to issue invisible fence collars for dogs around people necks, designed to go off if they get too close to each other in public. I'm really sick of seeing this much "love." Please stop...for my sanity. Otherwise, if I see you kissing hardcore in public without regard for me and other good citizens, I will make a public display that'll include me pointing at you and yelling:

"Oh, ew! Look! Look! They're making out! How grosss is this!? Oh, I hate it when ugly people make out!"

So, watch it.

I've Coined a New Term

For those of you who hang out with me, this isn't new, but I think I've come up with a concept that'll sweep humanity: Cuddle horny. What is cuddle horny you ask? Well, its like wanting to have sex, only you don't want to have sex...you'd rather cuddle. I think its pretty great.

So, I've found out that not only are my basketball skills rusty, but my guitar ones as well. Speaking of basketball, Cameron and I collided knees the other day on the basketball court so now I'm hobbling around like I have a fake leg. Yeah, not so fun.

I hate those days when I get up at like noon and I have a 5 hour window of sunlight. I really need to stop going to bed after midnight. I know I sound like an old fogey, but I need my sleep...and my sunlight.

Whatever, I'm Over It.

So, I couldn't sleep at all last night..too much thinking as usual...and I got up in a pretty apethetic mood this morning. I think this is the first day since my days in Boston in which I didn't participate in class. I think I probably said a total of 15 words in 4 hours. Yikes. Sometimes I just dislike class so much. And its really not the professor's fault. Truly, sometimes the most important variable in determinng a good class is the other students. I guess this is to say I mostly dislike the other students in my classes. They're such bullshitters sometimes! They inflect their voices like they're saying something important, like they're acting or something, and they try to use the biggest words they can think of. What a bunch of dorks.

If i hear one more response that takes up more than 15 seconds, I'm going to throw my text books at someone's forhead. What the heck, let's just make a rule, right here, right now in my blog. If you give a response in class longer than 15 seconds, I'm allowed to cause minor bodily harm to you. More if you have stupid looking facial hair (whats with college kids and dumb facial hair!? Am I the only one who notices this!? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!!!). We'll just call this the 15 seconds rule. Good.

Also, the Mavericks pistol whipped the Pistons last night. Sometimes its good to be alive.

Speaking of basketball, my recent performances at the IM buidling have been quite poor. I'm not shooting well and right now I can jump about as well as a woman with breast impants. I used to be able to sizzle out there, and its just not happening right now. For the girls that read my blog, this might seem immaterial, but playing poorly at sports is emasculating.

I'll end this post with a quote from dinner last night.

"I just want to be treated like a princess."
-Me, when describing why I'd rather be in a sorority than a fraternity.

One of those days.

Do you ever have those days that seem so long that the things that happen in the morning seem like they happened last month when you get to the evening? Days can have such weird personalities and sections of time within a day can have personalities of there own- like where you're doing one thing at 11AM and at 2 PM you're doing something COMPLETELY different with people that are totally different, so much so that they seem like different days when really, they're just different hours. Today I had 4 straight hours of class (blech), I did hw, hung out with Liza for a few minutes, did my laundry, took a nap, went back to class to watch Macbeth, ate dinner, went to play bball for 2 hours, then came back to hang out with some friends. Its not that I was too busy today, its just that the things I did felt so different than each other.

I got an invitation to go on a date today because (yes, with a girl). According to the girl's older sister, I'm "a neat guy" and am "really cute too." Sweet. Wait...did I do something...don't say it...RIGHT!? This begs for a celebration.

:)

Ok, done celebrating.

Why do I get more upset about losing at a video game than getting a bad grade?

The other night I was up 3-0 against a friend in NHL 08 for the XBOX 360- a game I own, but haven't played since summer since my dad has it (yes, my dad plays video games. No, he's not 14. Yes, I usually win, thank goodness). Anyway, I ended up losing 4-3 in overtime and it felt like someone just kidnapped my family, killed my dog, then castrated me in front of Jennifer Aniston circa 1994. It was that bad. Not to say I make poor grades, actually I make good grades and I try hard, but I just don't feel this way after getting a bad grade on something. I feel like this is a problem...

...a problem to be rectified by me redeeming myself and kicking some major-league ace at NHL 08 in the re-match!

I stood in line for an hour signing up our co-ed basketball team this morning and while in line I got to review the plan with a girl I'd never met before. She liked it, which I have mixed emotions about. I mean, on the one hand, I want a girl to like it...it's for a girl! On the other hand, I want people to be edgy about it because its so unusual. Oh well, I'll take the props. There really is nothing like input from strangers. Plus, in telling someone stuff about yourself, they're not really strangers anymore. I feel like they could potentially become a friend after they get over the initial shock of how unorthodox my schemes are. I feel like I'm growing socially. Actually, I really have to thank my father, he's the expert at talking to strangers. If you ever see me do it, I'm actually doing an immitation of him. If you've met my father and you know me, you could probably noticed some similarites personality wise...which is both equally good and bad.

In other news, the Operation: Shock and Awe is in its early stages, yet for the sake of romantic posterity, I cannot reveal its details here. Let's just say my accomplices in love are on board and the wheels are turning. I think ultimately I'm glad people like it. Otherwise this stuff just gets unfun if everyone knocks your ideas.

Oh yeah, I have a new nickname. Liza said that people in Eastern Europe with the name Alexander are often referred to as Sasha. So, if you'd like, I will now respond to Sasha. Enjoy.

The Epiphany.

Ladies and gentlemen, I know what I'm gonna do. Its really funny. And most people would tell me not to do it, so I know its good. I planned it out in my head while I was listening to my iPod this morning and after taking some advice from my friends. I love the feeling when you know you've come up with something that's all parts genuine, sweet, and funny. I'm not SURE its gonna work. But I'm SURE it'll make her laugh. Sometimes I really am very funny/clever. Please pray for me.

And for her.

Art, Old English Sheepdogs, and Gimmick Dating

Today I accompanied my friend, the lovely Christine, to the Detroit Institute of Art. The place looks pretty cool after a 160 million dollar facelift. We saw Renoirs, Van Goghs, a bunch of medieval art, some creepy modern stuff and one of my personal favs, Matisse. Why is he my favorite? Is it because he was a revolutionary Parisian artist well-known for his wavy, colorful style? No, its because thats what I want to name my dog when I'm older. I think its a great name. Of course, I'd shorten it so that he'd be called 'Matty,' but I think dogs named after famous artists are the coolest. I have friends in Dallas whose dogs are named Modigliani and Chagall (this would be my choice for my dog's name since my family actually HAS a Chagall, but I'd feel like I'm ripping my friends off, so Matty it is.) I dunno, there's something about naming an animal after high-brow art that has an 'I'm better than you' air that no other kinds of name share. I'm kind of a snob, what can I say? My second dog's name? I'm thinkin' Botticelli.

Speaking of dogs, I got to see Christine's Old English Sheepdogs...they're fantastic. Plus they loved me and gave me a tounge bath for the ages...now if only I could translate this to human females...

Which gets me to my final point. A friend of mine was crafting a poem with the intention of asking a girl out with it. I loved it...plus, I wrote the third line of it and demand a writing credit. Well, I'll settle for the girl just saying 'yes' to them because I think they'd make an adorable couple, but my question is: Does this really work? Does gimmick work in real life or is this just in the movies? I feel like when I've done this sort of thing in the past that I'm being sort of a creeper (although the '100 things about myself' list I gave to certain people at my prom was pretty smashing, if I do say so myself. I'm still giving myself mad props for that one. If you don't know what I'm talking about, ask me, its a good story, plus you'd prompt me to talk about someone I'm techinically not allowed to otherwise per my New Year's Resolution.) I can appreciate the idea of going out of your way to ask a girl out and making her feel special. Trust me, I'm all for it; silly, creative/romantic stuff I feel is a strength, if not my forte. But really, why do I have to stand on my head just to have a girl go out with me? I'm not asking anyone to marry me. Can't I just say 'wanna go do XYZ?' It's all so much pressure. I want to know when a girl's gonna stand on her head for me, risk looking like an idiot only to hear me say 'yay' or the ever more ubiqiutous 'nay.' Have fun, ladies.

P.S. What rhymes with "chest hair?" I figure I'd get a head start...

Rock Chalk Jayhawk

First off, not that they need it in a blog, but major props to the University of Kansas Jayhawk football team. To think between Arizona State (my parents alma mater), Michigan (my school), and KU (my stepmom's school) that the Jayhawks would have had the best football season is mindboggling. Its almost too much. My money's on Georgia next year.

In other sports news I'm out of shape and thus play a mighty poor game of basketball. I need to go on a Rocky-esque training regiment just to get in shape for IM season. Anyone wanna be my Mickey?

I had my first STATS class today. And it was my first experience with the clicker thingy (the Qwizdom). I hope its the beginning of a beautiful friendship, if not love affair. I really want to hack into the professor's lesson plans and redo the clicker questions to something like: Are you wearing A) Briefs B) Boxers C) Comando? Its not perfect. I mean, whaddya do if you're wearing Boxer-briefs? Clearly it needs tweaking.

Did I mention I get to watch Food Network in class!?

Officially a Michigan student

Today marked the first day of my third semester at Michigan...meaning that UofM is now the school I've been at the longest (it had been BU as I had stayed there 2 semsters). Its a good feeling. I got sushi to celebrate.

The first day of school went pretty well. Actually I hit the jackpot. My TV Theory class is AWESOME! My teacher has a PhD in dating shows (I'm NOT kidding) and in our screenings we'll be watching such educational programming as The Daily Show (yes!), Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (a guilty pleasure), and some Food Network shows (I think I've died and have gone to heaven. Sorry to all my readers out there for putting it like this, but I'm pretty sure I got an erection when I saw this on the syllabus). Did somebody say Giada De Laurentiis, visiting scholar?!? Schwing!

Italian was pretty cool too. The people in my class seem pretty nice. I think I annoy them bc I have a tendancy to talk A LOT in that class. I just don't want to be one of those people I hate. I really need to watch it. Its so weird though how the longer I go without praticing any Italian, the better I invariably am at it. It must take time to marinate in my head. Whatev...

After dinner, Sam, Liza, and I went to Borders and I bought Run Lola Run and we watched it. It's a pretty cool movie. Plus the title character has red hair, so you know you really can't go wrong (but its not natural red, so, yeah. Obviously this aesthetic I would have changed).

I have my first STATS class tomorrow. Lord have mercy. I guess its my penance for getting to have the Food Network be a part of my education. You're allowed to be jealous.

Well, it wasn't a fat guy!

I actually sat next to quite a nice, attractive young lady from western Michigan on the plane home from London today (actually two, but one was getting married, and she was thus disqualified from the start). I was my usual nervous/akwkard self around attractive ladies. If you're an attractive lady and you've spoken to me, I'm sure you've noticed me become so flustered its as if I forget English. Anyway, I had next to nothing to say because of it, except that she thought my being a food critic was pretty cool. Give me credit, at least I said something and can see some positives.

Heathrow Airport sucks. If you fly into London, please do yourself a favor and go to Gatwick. Its further from the city, but not stupid.

Beyond that, I got home in just enough time to watch the Wolverines embarrass the Gators (Tim Tebow? Seriously?)...and unfortunately the USC Trojans are beating the Illini right now. Man, I hate Pete Carroll. If there were three people on the face of the earth that I would say are my absolute least favorite people, he'd be one of them...along with Osama Bin Laden and Kim Jong-Il.


Tomorrow I get to sleep in for real for real. Thank goodness. If you go to Michigan and desire to see me tomorrow, don't plan on the morning...there will be no morning for me, of this I'm certain.