Warning, Ojectionable Material...

I love it when things come with a warning label. I think it makes people pay closer attention, when supposedly it asks you to turn your attention away. Who actually turns away when they hear a disclaimer? Not me. I remember one such episode on SportsCenter waaaaay back to like 1993 when a basketaball player disagreed with a ref's call and the SportsCenter commentator, who had previous knowledge of the clip, said "Don't look at his mouth!" as the player clearly mouthed "That's bullshit, you asshole!" To which the SportsCenter anchor responded "I think he said something about dances with wolves and the digestive system." Classic.

And I know what you're thinking..."Did I decide to read Alex's blog today because of the warning only to have him only talk about warnings?" Not to fear. I have something possibly offensive up my sleeve. I'm gonna premier a new concept. Ready? Excellent.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the concept of the 'non-sexual erection.' Actually, ladies, you might not totally relate to this, although, as I understand (in truth, I don't understand, I just happen to know) you have a similar process of genital stimulation, but I digress. What is a 'non-sexual erection,' you ask? Well, it's basically when you get really excited about something...let's say like you find out you're going to a really nice restaurant or you've just recieved some sort of great news. The excitement is so overwhelming, it affects you, uh, physically...to the point it kind of turns you on.

Examples? Well, since it is my blog, I'll give you some non-sexual erection moments from my life. The Boston Red Sox win their first World Series in 86 years and I was a fan of theirs (obviously, pre-living in Boston days). Non-sexual erection. Trying French glacier (ice cream, which is actually a tad better than Italian gelato). Non sexual-erection. Getting a STATS problem correct. Non-sexual erection. Anne Hathaway. Non-sexu...oh, wait, real erection. Well, I think you get the point. I think it works.

So, I'm having terrible trouble getting up in the morning. I was a solid 7 minutes late to my first class today. This after having been a solid 10 minutes late to my first class the day before. I'd have to say, I HATE getting up in the morning. Its so cold outside, why do I have to leave the warmth of my bed to be lulled back to sleep by a droning German professor? To add insult to injury, I was dreaming of cuddling with Inga, my stunning yet imaginary Sweedish girl friend....I didn't even get to say goodbye...